3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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