I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
