Can Purell be used as lube?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
