The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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