I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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