Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
