I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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