it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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