I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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