How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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