He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
