I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
