take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Even my vagina gasped.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
