he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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