You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
