I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
