After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
