I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the condom got lost in my hair
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
