how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
