she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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