You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
