why didn't you poke me back
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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