I must be too annoying 4 u.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
