shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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