I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
