Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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