I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
