I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
