I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
