True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
