new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
