i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
