guys are not supposed to queef...right?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
