Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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