you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
