even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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