Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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