we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
