I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
