ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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