I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
