I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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