I think I am morally bankrupt
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
