please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
