So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
