Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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