can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
