we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
