Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
