Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
