she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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