I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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